Okay, so if you’ve been following along, my wife and I have been on about a two-year wait to be selected for an adoption—after a year plus of “school” and approvals just to be allowed into the adoption process. Now that we’ve finally been chosen, the big question is: “So… now what?”
People ask us all the time if our adoption journey is like the episode of Friends where Monica and Chandler adopt the twins (spoiler). Honestly, for us, it’s pretty much the same—just with fewer laugh tracks and way less Chandler-level ridiculousness. We started by talking to other families who had adopted (luckily their kids already knew their stories, so no spoilers were ruined). Then we waited for the call from the agency, and next came the big step: meeting the birth mom.
If you haven’t seen The One With The Birth Mother—pause, go watch some 90s TV, then come back. Totally worth it.
For us, the meeting happened over Zoom instead of in person, but otherwise, it was almost identical: awkward and nerve-wracking. I mean, what do you even say to the person you’re hoping will entrust you with their baby?! “Hi ma’am, you only know us as File CRW33815-D, but we’d like to raise your child, please.” Not exactly something you can rehearse. My wife handled it like a champ, but I barely slept that whole week. You don’t want to say anything dumb because she could still change her mind. You don’t want to sound overconfident or greedy. And you definitely don’t want to make up a résumé that includes “reverend” and “doctor” (though, to be fair, at least one of us actually is a doctor).
Thankfully, it went well. We talked about her interests, she gave us a little tour of her apartment, introduced us to her dog, and shared what she wants her child to know about her. We also started discussing how the handoff will go when the baby is born. Now we’ve got a group chat going with her—still a bit surreal, but becoming more natural as time goes on. Honestly, it feels kind of like an arranged marriage: we met briefly, and now she’ll forever be part of our family’s story. Recently she told us she’s been binge-watching The Walking Dead, so I already know she’s raising my son to be awesome (let’s just hope our social worker skips that part).
So for now, it’s about staying in touch with her, encouraging her that she made the right choice, and praying over both her and the baby. As the Bible definitely doesn’t say: “And behold, she did adopt unto them a baby… and it was good.” (Seriously—if you’re missing these references, go watch Friends.)